Because I am her Mom....

As I drove into work today I had some time to reflect on my daughter and the fact that Kindergarten is coming at us faster than I ever imagined it would.  And I worry as all Mothers do...I worry that it could be hard and I know growing up isn't easy.  I know that kids are mean, they can me so damn cruel and that's just the way it is.  I remember how bad it can hurt, and I had it really, really easy.  Somehow I can only recall one school year in my whole life where I felt that I was singled out and made fun of and man did it suck.  And you know, outside of being really scrawny I fit in pretty well.  I guess I slid under the radar as one would say.  But today times are different, the stories I hear about cyber-bullying scare me.  Back in the 80's, sure, you may have to put up with a really crappy bus ride or lonely recess but outside of the small group of bratty kids that united to make one child's life hell, well that was kind of the extent of it, they eventually got bored and moved on.  And I totally know that this is not always the case, I can remember 2 boys that I went to elementary school with who were always made fun of for being nerdy.  They were the classic image of the child who would have the "kick me" sign pinned to his back.  The fact that 30 years later, I still remember these boys leads me to believe that they probably had it pretty hard and I pray that they moved on to a normal life and teach their own children compassion rather than vengeance.  Sigh.  These are things I think about as Kindergarten draws near.  It is June, she will head into the second phase of her life in a measly 3 months.  This is her last summer....okay, well that is a bit dramatic but it was worth adding as I have always played up the drama in each of my "lasts" as my family will attest to.

This morning Paige was in a fantastic mood on the way to school and bounced right through the doors and into her classroom showing me all of her art and new things they were doing at school.  We waited for her class to return to the room from breakfast since we were running late and I packed her a juice box and Cheerios to eat on the go.  Once they arrived she gave me a big squishy hug and a smile and off I went.  I had no more than backed my car out of the parking spot when I looked up and Paige was barreling through the double doors with tears streaming across her face crying out my name.  I threw the car in park and rushed to meet her, her teacher was close behind and upset with Paige for running out of the school...and rightfully so.  Her teacher tried to grab Paige to keep her from running closer to me and the parking lot which just upset her further and as much as I wanted to yell at the teacher to just let her go I knew it was necessary.  When I finally reached her I scooped her into my arms and she cried as she buried her face into my neck.  What could have happened in the 2 minutes since I left?  I asked over and over, once she finally caught her breath she was able to say, "My friends were making fun of me!".  Which friends?  She told me the names of two boys in her class, I asked what they were making fun of to which she replied..."They were making fun of my juice box!".   Okay, really?  (insert screeching record sound)  That is what got her so upset?  A juice box?  What could they possibly have said cause that reaction.  Well it took a couple of minutes as I tried to console her, peel her off and hand her to an irritated teacher and get back out the door.  One of the worst ways to start your day is to leave your child, crying out for you as you turn your back and walk out the door.  To go to work.  And it is her last summer....

So the mornings events of course are what started my mind planning out her next years, wishing for sunshine and rainbows and then creeping into other places I just don't even want to think about.

You see, Paige....well she is different.  She is so fantastically different that I am certain that there has never been nor will there ever be another child like her.  She is sweet, so very loving to her brother, especially when I am not looking.  She is insanely beautiful and has eyes that I could stare into forever and a day.  She has spunk, sass and a really big attitude when she is irritated and when she isn't.  She is a bit spolied, but that isn't her fault.  She is funny and inquisitive and makes me laugh every day.  She cares so much about me, watches my every expression and asks why I make each face that I do...even if she is just watching it in the rear view mirror.  I love to be with her, I love her companionship and listening to her views on life and how she reasons things out.  She is incredibly athletic and I can't wait until she finds her "thing", oh she is going to be great.  But she is different.  Different from many other kids in that calling her a tomboy is an understatement.  And this something I worry about.  Maybe I shouldn't but I am pretty sure her big personality just isn't going to slide under that radar.  And I will do everything I can to give her the tools she needs to make it to the finish line with as few scars a possible.  She is my daughter and I am her Mom....


to be continued.....