Grandma Betty

Grandma Betty as my children know her, Grandma Erickson as I knew her. Born, Betty Ann Christine Grant, later to become Erickson when she married my Grandpa, Earl Erickson. She was my Grandmother, my sweet, sweet Grandma.  I loved her so...

Grandma passed away this past October, I miss her and think of her often.  My children talk about her a lot.  It is funny how when someone is nearing the end of their journey, the people who love them are sometime given the gift of time.  Not always under the best of terms but it is precious time none the less and precious time means precious memories.  I am so grateful that I was given that gift with her.

As Grandma struggled over the past couple of years with her health, she secluded herself from the world.  She no longer yearned to go on outings, to see the flowers at the zoo or to see the holiday lights adorning strangers rooftops, all things that she had so enjoyed throughout her life.  Instead she took comfort in the familiarity of her home, the safety it brought her with known expectations.  Her home where she raised her children and loved her grandchildren, a home where family was rooted.  Her family would come to her, she had earned that.  Even then though, she would limit her visitors.  Sometimes she wanted to look nice, but didn't feel it so she would turn them away.  Other times she just didn't want to pretend that she felt okay when she didn't, she wanted to be left alone to feel crummy.  It was her right and she didn't feel like it was anyone elses choice to make.

I was on the other side of her door once when she just didn't feel up to opening it.  I remember a brief feeling of rejection, as if it was about me.  But it never was, or maybe it was?  I was young, naive and looked at the world with rose tinted glasses.  I didn't understand how she felt, not then anyway.  Over the years I have grown alot.  I don't think I ever truly learned to empathize, truly, until I became a mother.  I had to learn to love someone more than I could ever love myself to without hesitation try to understand how someone else feels and why.  I am not sure I am explaining it well.  Lets just say that real life builds character and the past few years have been filled with alot of building blocks.

Sometimes, as the days, weeks and months go by, our memories fade.  Sometimes we forget all together, that brief moment that made us smile...or laugh..or cry.
I wanted to be sure to write down some of my memories of my Grandma while I still remember.  Here are a few of my most cherished ones...

Spoons

As a child I would arrange and rearrange her vast collection of spoons.  The collectors kind, not the eating kind.  She collected them from her earlier travels and from the travels of her family.  She had so many and each was so unique.  They were always a highlight of her house hung neatly on her kitchen wall. 

A Special Christmas Gift

One Christmas Grandma must have won the lottery, I remember all of us being in awe as she gave us our Christmas gifts.  We each got the Dirty Dancing VHS and a real sterling silver bracelet.  It was so beautiful, and the movie was so for teenagers!  I think Tera, Heather and I were all about 12 or so.  It was a big deal.  Huge!!!

Her Tree

I remember the year that Grandma stopped putting up her artificial tree.  Instead she just pulled out the top part and put it in her end table.  I can remember being so puzzled by the concept, if you were going to put it up why not the whole thing? I can also remember helping her put up that big old tree a few times too in previous years.  It was funny to "put together" a tree coming from a house who never had anything but a real one. I always loved Grandma's decorations.

Birthdays

Grandma never missed a birthday.  Not one.  Ever. Period.  And that includes the birthdays of my children.  On top of that, not only would she always remember your birthday, but you would always get your card in the mail on the day before or the day of your birthday.  I am lucky if I remember to buy a card for anyone and chances are if I do, I remember to mail it on their birthday..so they get it late.  She was amazing.  Also, in those cards you could be sure to find the crispest possible bill in the form of a $1, $2, $5 or if it was a really special day..$10.  The care she would put into going to the bank and requesting a new crisp bill made it feel like she gave us $100 every time.  I think I spent very few of the bills she ever gave me and I tell you I am a spender.  I still find them tucked all over my house.  They were too special to spend, too sentimental to put in the bank so instead, they are saved in jewelry boxes, baby books and in random nooks and crannies.

Quarters

She loved bicentennial quarters.  I am not sure why but she did, and she collected them.  Several years ago her house was broken into and the collection was stolen.  I was really sad for her.

The Wheelchair

Grandma was not a fan of the wheelchair at first.  I remember ten years ago for Mother's Day my Mom, sister and I took Grandma to the Arboretum for Mother's Day.  It was alot more walking that any of us anticipated so into a wheelchair Grandma went.  My Mom pushed Grandma happily at first not realizing how many hills were on the property.  And now that Grandma had wheels she wanted to move.  Shyan and I were buckled over in laughter watching my mom hunched over running up and down hills trying to keep Grandma happy.  Oh my gosh.  That was something to see, if only we had pictures.

Quinn

When I was pregnant with our son, Grandma was in and out of nursing homes and put on hospice.  While she was in one of the homes, Paige and I went to visit while my Mom was there and we wheeled Grandma back to a park so Paige could play while we visited.  I was pregnant with our son and we were trying to come up with a name for him.  The one name I liked I  was sure no one else would.  I remember telling my Grandma that I liked the name Quinn.  She was quiet for a moment and then said with excitement. "Oh!  I really like that!"  I was shocked, and happy.  We named him Quinn and I will always remember I told her first.

Words

The year before last the kids and I went to visit her.  It was a beautiful Spring day and I convinced her to let me push her for a walk in her wheelchair.  We would walk down to the park and back.   Quinn rode on her lap for a bit and then would walk a bit.  Paige ran and played with sticks enjoying the trail and all of the nature around it.  As we walked back Grandma said to me, "Aleshia, you have a really nice family".  It meant so much to me yet it was so simple...just words.  I hold those words close to my heart. It was so reassuring to hear from someone as wise as she was, that I was doing something right. 

Teeth

The last time I took my kids to see Grandma before her passing was one of those precious days that we are given, one that gives you a precious memory.  This one happened to be funny, but perfect.  You see on this particular visit Grandma was a little fuzzy.  I can't remember if it was a medication imbalance or if she was just having an off day.  It was a beautiful Fall day and a good day to stop over and see Grandma, I knew our time together was getting more and more limited.  I also wanted the kids to see her, and her to see her great grandchildren.  Well, while I was there, the kids were busy running around outside with my Mom and I took a few minutes to sit alone with Grandma, to chat..before the kids came in and brought the circus to town.  I can remember when I sat down, an immediate feeling of sadness rushed over me when I looked at her.  She seemed confused a little, her face looked different.  Her jaw was sagging.  As we talked, she fidgeted as she often did with her oxygen, her blanket, her pajamas.  But this time she couldn't stop moving her mouth, her jaw and her tongue.  I said nothing but continued to watch her curiously.  Finally after about fifteen minutes, she burst out "I don't know where my teeth are!"  I looked at her in shock.  "What?  Grandma, what do you mean you don't know where your teeth are?".  She looked at me and with a stone serious face she says, "I lost them".  I was so confused, and amused.  I know I was giggling at this point when I asked her if my Mom knew they were missing.  After all she was with her all day.  Grandma said, "No, I didn't tell her".  I am laughing now as I tell her that since she never leaves her bed, the teeth couldn't have gone far.  I ask if she had perhaps swallowed them?  I looked under her pillow, under her back, in her blankets, in her garbage on the floor under her bed.  She was so serious about the whole situation.  All of a sudden, I found them, laying helplessly under her skirted end table.  I kneeled down to pick them up, half amused and half horrified with her false lower teeth in my hand.  I started to get up when all of a sudden I heard, "GROSS!  WHAT is THAT? GROSS!  Is that GRANDMA BETTY'S TEETH?!!!".  I turned around and there stood Paige in the doorway with her brother right behind her.  Oh my gosh, Paige's reaction was priceless.  Paige wasn't familiar with the concept of false teeth.  She had never heard of them before so as far as she was concerned, Grandma's lower jaw was in my hand.   Quinn is copying his sister and shouting "Gross" as well.  I am dying and Grandma is mortified.  Paige wants to see the teeth close up, to touch them and hold them.  All the while Grandma is telling me not to traumatize Paige.  I told her, "Oh, Grandma, it is far too late for that.  Paige will ALWAYS remember this".  My Mom happened to be walking into Grandma's bedroom as I walked out with the teeth in my hand.  Our eyes met as if sharing a thousand words and we both burst into laughter.   This was the last memory my kids have of their Grandma Betty.  I am so thankful for it, they will always remember it.

Our Last Day Together

It was  a Saturday.  My Mom had called that morning to tell me that the night she spent with Grandma had been a really hard one, she was extremely restless and neither of them had gotten any sleep.  These types of conversations with my Mom happened often about Grandma and how she was feeling.  She and her sisters gave Grandma round-the-clock care to make sure Grandma could stay in her home rather than in the care of a nursing home as she could no longer be alone.  This day in particular though, my Mom's words made me nervous.  It was a gloomy rainy day, it was cold and damp.  Jeff was working so I had taken the kids to the Eagles Nest to play.  My sister had called me too, she was really sad as she had just put her cat to sleep.  It was one of those days that just chilled you to the bone.  Jeff called me while I was with the kids from his work and I shared with him the news from my Mom and my sister.  A short time later he called me back to say he was leaving work early and wanted me to go and see my Grandma.  I had told him no, that she would be okay.  This type of thing happened often, but he insisted.

A couple of hours later he was home and I left for Grandma's house.  My aunt Cyndi was there now after relieving my Mom so that she could go home and get some sleep.  No one knew I was coming but that was okay, it was always okay.  When I got to Grandma's I visited with Cyndi for a few minutes, I could see she was exhausted already and relieved to see I was there to give her a little break.  She shared with me how restless Grandma had been all morning too, and that there was nothing that she could do to make Grandma comfortable.  She decided that she was going to call Grandma's nurse to see if they could recommend anything  else to help her so that she could relax and get some sleep.

With a heavy heart I went in to see Grandma.  This time it was different...I knew it and so did she.  I spent hours with Grandma that day.  I helped her try to get comfortable time and time again to no avail.  I tried, she tried, we tried and tried again. I held her hand and sat in silence watching an old black and white cowboy show on her television with the sound turned off while she stared up at the ceiling.  Every now and again she would give my hand an assuring squeeze, I would return the squeeze.  I told her stories about my kids, what they would be for Halloween..a witch for Quinn and a vampire for Paige. She laughed, and smiled and listened.  I told her I was starting a new job on Monday.  She thought I must be so nervous.  I assured her I would be fine.  I filled the air with meaningful and mindless chatter, a gift I have.  I looked through old photo albums by her side laughing and commenting on each photo.  I found an old picture of she and an Elvis impersonator, they looked alike with the same hair and glasses.  I showed it to her laughing and said they were kindred spirits, she laughed.  I just talked and she just listened.  I talked.  She listened.  She was always so good at that, listening.  As hard as it was for her she would try to laugh or comment on everything that I said.  I would tell her, "Grandma, just listen, let me do the talking, you rest."  After awhile Cyndi had gotten permission to increase her medication to make Grandma more comfortable.  Cyndi joined me in her room and we continued to laugh and tell stories watching as Grandma began to drift off to sleep.  At some point we decided it was time to let her sleep and I would go home.  As I said goodbye to her and told her I loved her, she said "Is it time to rest now?"  I said, "Yes Grandma, try to get some sleep.  I love you."
That was the last time I saw my Grandma, she passed away the next morning.  I am so incredibly grateful I was able to have that time with her. 

My Grandma was an incredible, strong, generous, warm and hilarious woman. I almost forgot to tell you how sweet she was, it is undeniable...she didn't have a mean bone in her body.  She was the glue that held us all together, the matriarch of her family.  She will be forever missed and held forever, securely in my heart.

I love you Grandma....